When it comes to sports day, you’re either filled with pure joy or so much dread that you’d consider eating your own toes to avoid taking part.
It is a Hunger-Games-meets-little-ribbons-and-tiny-trophies event, and something that only the most athletic survive.
Everyone else begrudgingly sacrifices their dignity in the name of sport amid encouraging snippets of how it is the taking part that counts.
No, Mr Jones, we all know that it is the winning that counts, so stop talking rubbish.
We reveal what your favourite event at sports day says about you…
1. Sack race
These participants have little regard for health and safety – or their ankle bones – and are, therefore, happy to hop into a filthy, musty sack in a bid achieve greatness.
They are true go-getters, all about shouting words of inspiration to fellow racers as they make absolute fools of themselves.
These people are unstoppable, until that one year on the wet grass they misjudge their own hopping power, trip and break an ankle. Oh, the sadness.
2. Egg-and-spoon race
There are two types of people who enjoy this – those who have above-average balancing skills and those who want to ruin the entire day by accidentally-on-purpose smashing eggs into the ground.
The latter are also the kids that the teachers are afraid of.
Those who genuinely enjoy this have cottoned on that this makes it look like you are putting a lot of effort in when in fact you are walking with an egg. Sneaky.
3. Relay race
This one is for those who firmly believe there is no I in team, are full of optimism and cheers, and who have a little team huddle before throwing each other those shiny, metallic baton thingies.
Most likely they go on to play rugby or hockey at uni.
4. Sprinting race
Ah, those self-styled little Linford Christies of the sports field. Can be spotted begging people to race them, or to time how long it takes them to do a lap.
They have the energy of a newborn baby rabbit and the attitude of a rock star.
Very annoying, punchable and likely to go on to work in the City as investment bankers.
5. Three-legged race
Participants are brutal, calculating and extreme believers in the whole survival-of-the-fittest theory.
So much so that they happily ignore their best friends who are a bit slow and not a fan of competitive sports, just so they can find the fittest person to partner up with.
6. Skipping race
Those who love this may seem gentle, laid back and just there for the skipping, but that is a front.
This race is one of the most ferocious at sports day, because of the likelihood of the competition burning the back of your ankles with their rope and claiming it was an accident. Or being hit with one of those wooden handles.
Participants are ruthless, have excellent footwork skills, and will trip over your gran in a heartbeat if it means winning.
They are huge fans of Taylor Swift.
7. Beanbag race
For those who can’t run, there is this, which involves balancing a beanbag on your head before making for the finish line.
If you can’t handle the intense pressure of running, this is the next best thing.
Racers know the merits of being a big fish in a small pond, and those little beacons in the shape of coloured beanbags are everything to them.
8. Wheelbarrow race
Ah, the event for those wanting to get in on any piece of the action they can.
If you are the wheelbarrow then you are truly at the bottom of the pecking order, desperately grabbing any piece of ground and trying not to sprain a wrist.
If you are the pusher, well, you look a bit odd and beastly.
Wheelbarrows go on to live in a rainforest somewhere, trying to come to terms with their sports day back in the dim and distant past, and pushers become shouty personal trainers.
9. Space-hopper race
Aka the best activity during the whole, brilliant event.
If this is your favourite race, then you truly are there for the fun, and you intend to do nothing more than have a bounce, a giggle and maybe a tumble at the end.
10. Tug-of-war event
Tug-of-war fans just want the whole thing over and done with, and often aren’t even putting any pulling effort in.
These folks recognise early on in life that the key to success is to pretend they are busy and are thus the true pioneers of our times.
What was your favourite event??